Starting one thing and ending up doing another!
It didn't start out like this!
When I started this blog post initially I wanted to review the Rory Miller workshop that I went to in Harlow on the 3rd February. It made sense to me to give you an idea of how the day went and what we did. What I learnt, what I thought was good and not so good and who I'd spent time training with. So that is what I did - I started my blog post and spent some time on it and well it was painful.
For whatever reason as I sat down to write it I didn't really feel connected to it, it was more of a thing I just felt I "should" do. Should is a funny word. It smacks of duty, of a distinct lack of inspiration. I invariably find the things in life I "should" be doing get in the way of the things in life I really love to do or want to do or even I'm just curious about. Love him or hate him (I love him) Tony Robbins says we spend time "shoulding all over ourselves" and when you think about it like that it puts the shoulds into perspective. I should get 8 hours sleep a night, eat less sugar and swear less but essentially if I did all of these things I lose a part of who I am. So I do what I need to. Granted I probably shouldn't deride health goals (did you see what I did there?!) however, I want to celebrate the fact that I am not a robot. As much as I would love to be able to get 8 hours a sleep a night and do the 21 day sugar detox right here and now my life doesn't lend itself to that. I've got other things I WANT to do that are more important. At least for now anyway.
Should versus want.
I try and write a blog post every fortnight and so I started the blog and I realised the reason it wasn't lighting me up was that I didn't really want to give you the minutiae of the day. What do you really care about what drills we did and what I learnt from it? I wasn't sure it would really matter to you that much. To hell with the should, I decided after getting a good amount of words on the page that I'd just bin that one. Instead, I thought it was better to give you a little bit of what Rory has taught me over the years, both in person and from his books. Sometimes you have to just accept that even though you start something and end up doing something else that doesn't mean you have failed. Taking stock of the direction you are going and readjusting part way through can be the best way.
Rory Miller - again!
One of my favourite quotes is attributed to Jim Rohn, whether he did indeed say it I don't know so don't troll me! He said, "You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with." I absolutely love this quote and it certainly makes me think about how people around me have impacted upon my life. More importantly, as an instructor and coach, it also makes me think about the impact I have on others. I would say that Rory changed the way I teach at a fundamental level and for this, I am truly grateful. What I thought I'd do is share some Roryism's with you. This isn't a long blog post. If nothing else please read on to see what he has to say about the world we live in. At times I am paraphrasing from workshops and conversations and his books so any errors or omissions are not his they are mine and due to my lack of knowledge or bias, not his.
- Understanding that violence is actually decreasing in the 21st Century it's just that we hear more about it. Compared to times past, Tudor dynasties, Viking raids or even just everyday life in Victorian England we are safer now than ever before.
- Saying that violence never solved anything is flawed as wars have been fought since man populated this earth. Doesn't mean we have to like it but it's a primal form of human interaction. Modern humans have in some way assuaged their need for violence with sports. Bottom line violence is a form of communication and is unlikely to ever cease completely.
- You have to understand how predators work in order to be able to recognise and/or avoid them.
- You have to understand how violence happens, to whom, when and where in order to be able to recognise it and therefore avoid it.
There are so many more things I could say about what Rory teaches but for now, I'm going to leave you with one of my favourite quotes of his.
"It is better to avoid than to run, better to run than to de-escalate, better to de-escalate than to fight, better to fight than to die."
Next time I'm going to go over some of the common things that Rory has taught me that crop up time and time again when I'm teaching. A lot of what he has brought to my attention is about losing the ego where possible and just figuring out that most of what people do has very little to do with you and your life. I find this fascinating and it's definitely not a blog post I feel I "should" be writing, I really want to share this information with you. A lot of it is practical but at times it's thought provoking and challenging. That doesn't always feel comfortable. To quote Rory again "Why is a caterpillar wrapped in silk while it changes into a butterfly? So the other caterpillars can't hear the screams. Change hurts."